I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
