I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
