I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
