thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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