Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
