The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
