Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
