so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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