based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
