no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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