Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
