did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
