If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
