Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
