cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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