Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I understand Curling. That high.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
