was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
