proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I would ride that face into the sunset
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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