I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
