I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
