Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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