Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
