SEEEEXXX PLEASE
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
