I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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