he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
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i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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