I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
