I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
