don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
