I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
