just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
