I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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