i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
