does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
