They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
