If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
