When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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