Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
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