God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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