I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
this just has baby written all over it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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