Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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