Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
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