Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
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I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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