Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
