how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
