I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
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I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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