You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
porn star boner night. come get it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
