i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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