I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
