Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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