I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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