Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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