coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
