Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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