Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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