I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I love you.
Bad choice
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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