ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
