Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
