"it" just moved
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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