Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
