4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
