He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
