Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
