What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
