Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
