Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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