we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
