I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
bring money and cleavage
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
