so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
