Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
