$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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