My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
