She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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