Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
