He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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