He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
