What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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