dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
