I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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