i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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