her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
