im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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