Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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