Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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