babies were throwing up all over the place
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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